Sometimes online dating feel like a colossal free-for-all frenzy of millions of particles bumping into one another to find common orbits. I sometimes find myself worked up into a fine mathematical frenzy ala Ted from How I Met Your Mother from this excerpt (except reverse the gender roles):
Matchmaker: You give me 3 days and I will find the woman you will marry.Ted: No, thanks. I don't need an algorithm to meet women. It's New York, you know. Plenty of fish in the sea!
Matchmaker: Plenty of fish in the sea! [grabs a calculator form the desk and starts clicking away]
There's 9 million people in New York. 4.5 million women. Of course, you want to meet someone roughly your own age - let's say plus, minus 5 years. So if you take into account the most recent census data that leaves us with 482,000 women. But wait! 48% of those are already in relationships and then you have to eliminate half for intelligence, sense of humor and compatibility. And then you have to take out the ex girlfriends and the relatives. And, oh, you can't forget those lesbians. And then that leaves us with 8 women. [pushes calculator screen into Ted's face]
Ted: That can't be right! Eight? Really? Eight?
Matchmaker: There are 8 fish in that big blue ocean, Ted. And if you feel confident that you can reel one into your boat without me, there's the door.
Ted: Do you take credit cards?
In this case I have already slapped down the credit card and am fending off either generic messages from geriatric men or sexual suggestions from colorful characters, feeling the need for Costco bulk purchase of hand sanitizer (and eyeball sanitizer if possible) every time I touch the computer/phone.
Yet, this is how HIMYM sometimes get to the heart of it all sometimes.
After some frantic searching Ted finally finds the woman that the matchmaker's computer calculated for me only to realized that she is engaged already:
Ted: You're my only match! There was a computer and there were 8 fish in the sea full of lesbians.
Woman: Ted, Ted, do you honestly believe deep down that there is no one else out there for you just because some computer says so.
Ted: I didn't used to. There was math, I got confused.
Woman: Love isn't a science. You can't calculate a feeling. When you fall in love with someone, 8.5 equals a perfect 10.
To all those who are searching: cheers and hang in there!