So let’s talk about the f-word, no not that one but the
other f-word: feminism. It comes with many different definitions, perspectives,
and agendas. Here is mine.
Like most births, no one truly remembers that moment of
becoming into being but once something is given life it is hard to snuff it
out. So is my journey to feminism.
I would like to say that I was a docile child: always
pleasing my parents, doing as I was told, a paragon of Asian filial piety but
the reality was I was quite bossy, bullied my younger brother of four years,
picked fights with kids at school because I did not know how to express my
anger, and had screaming fits directed at my parents about 3-5 times a year.
The cornerstone of all of this was “fairness.” It was unfair that I am born
female and my brother male so he gets to be coddled while I wasn’t; unfair that
I am the eldest and had to break all the rules while my brother had it easy;
unfair that other non-Asian kids get allowance for doing nothing at all while I
got nothing for doing a gajillion chores at home (this only improved slightly
in high school where I got $10 a month in the 1990’s); unfair that we were so
poor that McDonald’s was a treat for good report card grades (Thank god for
that! My parents never let me develop addiction to fast food); unfair that we
don’t get to drink soda (Kudos to frugal Asian parents!) unless it’s the
holidays or someone’s birthday celebration; unfair that I wore hand-me-down clothing
despite being the eldest kid, unfair that I’m short; unfair that our house had
cockroaches and mice that crawl around at night casting shadows via the night
light, scaring the crap out of me and turning me into a slight insomniac;
unfair that I’m being compared to the genius kids of my parents’ friends who always got great grade and is
going to be a doctor. The list can go on and on and on. So one can see that
while I was obsessed with the righteous definition of “fair” I was also an
angry kid.
Surprisingly this concept of “unfairness” never prompted me
to be a feminist yet because I was a huge nerd, actually enjoyed school quite a
bit, and did well enough academically which engage and challenge me at the same
time. The closest I ever got to feminist studies was in college while pursuing
my biology and East Studies (with a concentration in Japanese) majors that I
decided to take a Japanese women writer course that took care of 2 birds with 1
stone: liberal arts and writing requirement. I saw how “unfair” it was within
the Tale of Genji, that Japanese noblewomen were treated as sexual playthings
to Prince Genji but the “unfairness” never touched me because it was in the
past and everything was romanticized in my quaint naïve adolescent mind.
But oh how I read! Since I learned to read, I devoured books
from the library like a starving person at a buffet because it was a way for me
to escape from growing up in a poor immigrant family where we had no means to
own a book. The library was a magical place that houses an infinite number of
friends, possibilities, and adventures that expanded my small world to beyond
my imagination. My readings should have tipped my off about my feminist
tendencies because while I like fairy tale with beautiful princesses, magic,
love, and happy endings, I especially loved stories with strong female
characters that save the day because I imagine that one day I too can be the
main character and hero.
My journey to feminism didn’t proactively metamorphosized
till coming back to the East Coast after a sales rotation in San Francisco.
Maybe it was the liberal west coast air or that everything is better out west,
or just that I have a lot more free time to peruse the internet in an office
job setting, thus I began to read. I’ve always been an avid lover of reading,
with my taste shifting from sci-fi fantasy of childhood to actual interest in
non-fiction writing. As I kept reading I noticed that the articles I gravitate
to are 1- usually about inequality (socio-economic, race, ethnicity, sexual
orientation, class, gender, etc) and 2- about women. The more I read the more I
can’t stop but from 2012 onward there was also a dramatic shift in American
culture and politics. Mitt Romney’s “binder
full of women” snafu was repeatedly called out/made fun of, Tina Fey and
Amy Poehler emerged as the funniest
comedians around, America’s love/hate relationship with Hilary Clinton is still very much love/hate,
Miss
Representation documentary exploring the damaging relationship between
women and media, and Sheryl Sandberg stepped out from being a TED
talk darling to a Lean In machine. All of
this I devoured ferociously.
At the same time I was also looking at my career, or maybe
lack of. Despite being part of a rotation “program” the company was in an
industry of mergers and acquisition, downsizing, and lackluster pipeline. I
look at senior management and all I see are “pale frail male” aka old white
men. I do not see role models for me as a woman or an Asian American. This made
me question if I am cut out for slugging it out to climb this corporate ladder (or
jungle gym or whatever metaphor people like to use about career management.) It
has been shown time and time again that if one does not see someone like them
in aspirational roles, the individuals have a hard time aspiring.
At the same time I found a group of college female friends
who have been traversing this feminist journey that was similar but separate to
mine. One is a PhD candidate for Japanese literature (specifically Chosen literature
(written Koreans living in post-World War II Japan)), another taught English
abroad for a few years and has joined the corporate world (she is also the one
who wordsmithed “pale frail male”), one is a publishing house editor, one is a
pharmacist, and one is a lawyer. All of us through different walks of life are
suddenly converging organically to want to talk about being a woman, the
opportunities and obstacles arising from our gender, and what does it mean to
navigate through personal and professional lives. Albeit some of us are much
more passionate about the topic, we all were finding a voice that resonated
with each other. We would have ginormous email chains that would break Gmail
because there would be over 100 emails with 800 word essays about our views on
a NY Times or Atlantic article, personal happenings, opinions about Lean In (oh
what battles we would have about this!), a Buzzfeed list about women or people
in their 20s/30s, or academic analysis of gender inequality. Such an insular
sisterhood that was analytical, self-aware, and amazing!
Bolstering this digital connection was my own real life
connection with Asian American women in the city I was living in. I have joined
an Asian American professional organization upon moving to my 4th
city and sought involvement with the organization, which didn’t come to
fruition till in 2013 when the local chapter decided to launch a women’s group
within the Asian American organization. Working with a team of talented,
dedicated, and amazing women we worked throughout that summer to officially
launch the Asian American women’s program via a panel of Asian American women
small business owners and entrepreneurs. Countless hours of coordination, venue
planning, logistics, naming the event, and marketing drew a crowd of over 80
women and men. I was so caught up in the event planning that it was so
gratifying to learn so much from amazing women who have forged their own path
by taking a place at the helm.
Since then my journey continues and I am learning much about
myself, the world, and others. Assuming more leadership in the Asian American
women’s program has grown my sense of leadership, made me question is the
program mainly to provide a “safe space” for Asian American women (or should
the program go beyond to really encourage the dialogue between men and women
about gen inequality instead of having one-sided monologues?), made it harder
to meet and date a man who can be truly be my life partner, realized my sense
of self in different ways, and pushed me in ways I didn’t expect to be pushed.
I know that “women” and “feminism” is a hot topic right now.
It’s amazing how my journey has gotten me here and I am truly grateful that I
was not involved in women’s study during college or younger because I would
burnt out by now. My sense of “unfairness” would have erupted into anger that
is fueled by youth and personal righteousness that would quickly die down due
to exhaustion and also personal sense of lack of impact or ability to change
the status quo. It’s been amazing to see so many women come to terms on their
own in this mass journey to feminism. Yes the whole world is gearing up for
election 2016 despite the fact that it is 2 years away, yes it is a media
sensationalization at its finest, yes it is trendy to be a feminist (look at Beyonce!)
but I hope this is not just a blip in time, that the current dialogue will
continue to grow a future where not all men aspire to be CEO’s and not all
women want to be housewives. That our potential in life is not inhibited by the
gender given to us, or at least the hurdles and barriers will be lowered so
that regardless of being female or male we can realize our greatest potential
for impact, happiness, and harmony.
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